Moving Forward...Regardless

 

OK...so there has been more going on behind the scenes than I have been letting on to you. To make a long story short, a friend of ours shared with us, about a month ago, that they knew a girl who was pregnant and looking for adoptive parents. She asked if we would be interested...and boy, were we. This truly was the reason that we put the pedal to the metal in regards to our application process. Each weekend, our friend told us that they had talked with this family and they were "very interested", they were probably "going to call" us in the next couple of days, etc. My motherly nature just got overwhelmed with feelings and thoughts about becoming a new mom again...feeling like that baby was already in my arms. I was crushed this past weekend, when our friend regrettably told us that the family decided to go through an agency...CRUSHED.

I was so confused and frustrated with myself for getting so emotionally attached...especially when they never contacted us. I confused myself...I kept telling myself that I would be fine, but once we got the official news, I felt like I had gotten that dreaded call from the fertility clinic...the one telling me that my blood work was negative. I was right back in that place...that I never wanted to be in again.

So...put all of the brick walls back together again. With the above bad news on top of the email from our agency telling us that we were going to be placed on a wait list...and I feel broken.

Here is my plan...OH NO, you better believe that this is not going to stop me!!! I have to continue to move forward, because if there is one thing I learned from my four years of hell with infertility...it's that you CANNOT stop moving forward. My darkest moments were when I stopped to set up camp in PITY park.

Yesterday, we had the pleasure of having dinner with some long time friends who have a lot of experience with fostering...as they have two foster kids of their own. Our original intent to meet with them was to ask for advice on what we needed to do to prepare for our home study (Well, that was before we knew we were going on a wait list). Our evening ended up just being full of much needed encouragement. They shared their own experience in foster care, information on an agency that we didn't know about (one that has a huge success rate), as well as information on simply adopting with the aid of an attorney. Through our discussion, as well as with their testimonies, I was reminded of how much Craig and I were turned on to foster care when we finished the state mandated PRIDE training. After hearing the stories of what these kids had gone through, and also having first hand experience with some of these kids...being a teacher, sometimes I just want to take these kids home with me and love and protect them...give them a safe home to live in and a loving family to be a part of. This evening just helped to shed light on, yet, another option for us to move forward in.

Foster to adopt is a scary road to take...in that you never truly know if the child placed in your home is a "forever" child. There are so many questions that you, I, need to consider. Am I strong enough for this? What if the child can't stay with us? Am I strong enough, emotionally? How will Emily handle this? How will this affect her? How will I handle it if a child is taken away from us and placed back with their family...which I completely understand that that is the states number one goal for all of the children. I just can't imagine having a child for any length of time, growing attached to that child, loving them...and then having them be taken back. BUT...I think about James 1:27, and how much it would mean to those kids to have, even for just a moment in their life, a glimpse into what a family "could" be like, a glimpse into what God's love for them is like. To be able to witness to each child...plant a seed in their life. How powerful would that be? Would the possibility of pain, on our part, be worth that? Without hesitation, the answer is YES!!! The only problem is that my mind knows that...but I don't know how to tell my heart that. My mother is a product of an amazing foster family, and I am convinced that it is because of that family that God placed her with...that allowed MY family to be as wonderful as it was/is.

We have a lot to think about...many choices in front of us to pray about. I will keep you posted.

Calling All Prayer Warriors. I'm Going Into Battle.

So, as if that letter from our agency wasn't frustrating enough... Craig and I received a call from our Dr. yesterday to reschedule our appointments. We scheduled a week in advance for our adoption physicals, and it seemed too good to be true that the Dr.'s office was open on the same day that both Craig and I had off from work. THEN, the day before the the appointment, they called to tell us that the doctor will not be in the office tomorrow and that we needed to reschedule.

I'll be honest, I wasn't the sweetest thing on the phone. I was so excited to be able to cross SOMETHING else off of my to-do list, especially with the bomb dropped from earlier this week...and to call me
THE DAY BEFORE my appointment?!?!? I was...to say it nicely...a tad bit frustrated.


Well, just as before, I am finding myself consumed with thoughts of adoption. Before, when we were going through our journey of infertility, all I could ever think about was "it":

• Would I ever be a mom
• Would I ever get pregnant
• Would I ever experience a baby in my belly
• Would I ever get to hold a child and call it my own
• Would I ever get to rock a child of my own to sleep
• Would I ever...YOU NAME IT. 

I would always tell Craig, "You never have to wonder what I'm thinking about...it's about a baby"...and I meant it. In EVERY SINGLE moment that I had to myself, in my head, I would start thinking about a baby and what it would be like to be a mom.

NOW, I find myself in a similar situation, only this time I am thinking about adoption...NON-STOP. It is overwhelming to be in this position again because it just drains you. I literally have to tell myself to snap out of it and pay attention to whatever it is I'm in the middle of doing.

This morning, I just prayed to God to give me peace about this situation, about the entire process. This process has given me the false idea of being in control...once again. (I seem to think that I am in control, or that I can easily take control, of these overwhelming situations I keep finding myself in). I prayed that I would be able to find rest in this situation while, at the same time, allowing God to do what he does best.

Today, I had one of those epiphany moments...while sitting at the lunch table THINKING about adoption. Let me start by sharing about my thought process from this morning. While standing in the kitchen, eating my breakfast...I was thinking about how it seems like all of these doors were closing on us this week...and wondering if God was trying to drop some pretty big hints that we were moving in the wrong direction. I thought that maybe we just are not called to do adoption. As I thought about that idea again, at lunch, here is the message that I received:

If God calls us to take care of the orphans (James 1:27  Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.) then why would he close the doors on us when we are moving forward according to his own Word? So, if it's not God closing the doors on us, than we must be under attack for doing God's will. John 10:10 says that the thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. 


It all made sense to me then. It was one of those moments where your palm meets your forehead and you think to yourself, "DUH"!!! Whenever God's children are moving forward in their calling, Satan is right around the corner to bring discouragement. Discouragement steals your joy, kills your hope, and destroys the plans that God had before you.


Even though my bombs from this week SUCKED...I am so encouraged to realize that I am in the middle of this battle because, to me, it means that I am moving forward in what God has for me...why else would Satan want to destroy it?? I am just going to be working that much harder, believing that much more...that God is beside me, watching over me, and will guide me every step of the way.

Please continue to pray...as I gear up for battle.

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Coming To A Screeching Hault

WOW...Craig and I were seriously on fire and looking like we were going to finish our end of things by the end of this week. Today, I faxed over our PRIDE training certificates and our CPR certificates to our agency...and I received this email in response:

Hi Heather,

As to your question regarding a case manager, I want to inform you about a change we have just had to make in our adoption process.

We believe strongly in finding forever families for all orphans, regardless of age, and we do facilitate adoptions of orphans from all age groups. That said, we have an abundance of families who desire to adopt a child who is four years old or younger. Statistically, however, only about 20% of children within the state system who are ready to be adopted are ages 0 – 4. Currently, about 80% of the children who need a forever home are ages 5 – 17.  I do not mention that to discourage you, just to give you an idea of the issues we encounter. We are also working diligently on developing a birth parent program that would draw more birth mothers to our ministry, allowing us to facilitate a greater number of private infant adoptions.

In order to address the child population presented to us at this time, we have instituted a temporary wait list status for families requesting a child ages 0 – 4. To give you an understanding of what this means, once I have received all of your homework, you will have reached the point in the process when we would normally assign you to a case manager to begin working on your home study. At that time your family file would be put “on hold” temporarily until our case managers and placement coordinator have room on their caseloads to add another family requesting a child under five. During this waiting period we would still keep in touch with you and be available to answer your questions. We would contact you immediately when you are taken off “hold” and assigned to a case manager.

Ultimately we believe that if the Lord has placed the desire to adopt on your hearts, He has already chosen a specific child to add to your family. We do ask families to prayerfully consider being open to whomever the Lord has chosen for them, even if the child may be older than hoped. Of course, there are legitimate concerns for adopting younger children, such as keeping the birth order within your family if you already have children. Every situation is different.

We appreciate your patience and understanding in this matter. As always, please let me know if you have questions, and I will do my best to answer them in as timely a manner as possible.


A little disappointing...who am I kidding...A TON disappointing, however, the end of their letter is true and I just need to keep reminding myself this: God already knows!!!! If adoption is the road that He has chosen for us, then He already has a child in mind and their "wait list" won't stop Him. This will all come together in His timing...not mine.

A small part of me felt that if I can get the paper work completed SUPER fast, then it will speed up the process of adoption and we will be chosen to be adopted parents sooner. YES LORD...thank you for your small correction in reminding me that I am not in control of this situation. I put this back in your hands, Lord, and I will take rest in knowing that this is Yours to handle and take care of.

 

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Adoption Paperwork Update

OK...so the paperwork isn't as awful as I expected it to be, and when I say "awful" I mean as long and detailed as I imagined.

When I actually broke it down, here is what I have left to do.

Like I said in a previous post:

• We are taking our CPR/First Aid class tomorrow
• We turned in our FBI fingerprints in the mail yesterday (please pray for a quick processing time)
• We already completed our PRIDE training

In regards to the new paperwork:

• We both have to have a Dr.'s check-up (which we are scheduled to do next week). Our doctor has to fill out some paperwork and send it straight to the agency
• We have to have 4 references completed (which I have already sent out to our friends and family members in hopes that those will also be sent to the agency soon)
• Then there are two sets of paperwork, one set for our case worker, and one set required by the state. Once all of the paperwork is completed, we have to burn it onto a CD and send it to the agency. 

I have already finished the set of paperwork for our case worker, and I hope to complete the state's paperwork by the end of this weekend. Once that is all turned in, then they assign us a case worker and we schedule our home study.
While we wait for the home study, they gave me detailed instructions on how to make a family profile, which seems to pretty much be a family scrapbook for the birth mothers to look through when they are trying to choose a family for their baby.

So there you go! So much happening right now. I am on fire!!! I want to get this done and be able to sit back and wait...to not have the "wait" be because of me anymore. Though, anyone who knows me...knows that I will not be able to just sit there and wait. Who am I kidding??? Nonetheless, I want to be able to complete my side of the work.

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I Just Got the Mother Load of Paper Work

Craig and I recently had a little flame lit under us to get the adoption process moving again. I guess I just got a little discouraged when we were told by the agency that...because we were looking for an infant...it could take up to three + years. When told that...I just kept thinking, "Why rush?"

So, when we received our letter of approval, it also told us that we needed to complete the PRIDE training class (which we completed right before we found out we were pregnant with Emily), and a CPR/First Aid class. Once we faxed them our certificates they would sign us up for the next step in their adoption process...a class called "Next Step Class" (Clever, right?)

OK...so here is where we are at now:
PRIDE TRAINING: Completed
CPR/First Aid: Signed up for a class next month

I called the agency to ask them when their "Next Steps" class was scheduled so I could put it on our calendar. Well, I received a reply from them today!!! The email said that they are actually in the middle of turning their "Next Steps" class into an online class so that couples can complete it on their own time.

~WONDERFUL~ 

And then...they attached the paperwork that I would normally receive AFTER the "next steps" class. It is a LOAD of paperwork. I can't believe I have it!! I can't believe I'm not working on it now!! Once this paperwork is completed, they assign us a caseworker. Once we have a caseworker, then they will schedule a home study. Once the home study is done...then we play the waiting game!!!

WE'VE BEEN APPROVED!!!!

I just got the email from the adoption agency letting us know that "We have been approved to move forward in the adoption process".  They will be sending us an "acceptance letter" in the mail that will have more information regarding our next steps with them.

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Adoption Interview

This last weekend we had an interview with a staff member from the agency that we are working with. It went SUPER well. The interviewer was super nice and made it a very relaxed experience. He was nice enough to come all the way down to our neighborhood (from Kent) and we met at the Tully's by our house. We started off the interview by just having regular conversations..."How's the family?" "What are you doing this weekend?", etc. Soon after, we got down to business.

He told us up front that he only had three questions for us and here is what he asked ~

1. Why now? Why are you looking into adoption now, at this point in your life?
We told him that we had already started to look into the adoption process after our failed IVF, and due to my lack of patience...we skipped a few steps and dove right into the PRIDE training through the state. It wasn't long after that we found out we were pregnant. Well after Emily's arrival, Craig and I talked about how that desire to adopt has never really left our hearts. So, here we are...moving forward in obedience to this calling that we feel God has given us, to see what doors open up for us.

2. What sort of support system do you have surrounding you?
We told him how close both of our families are to us, and also to each other. Both families are excited for us as we move forward and are ready to help in any way that they can. We told him how much of a support our families were when we were going through infertility treatments. They were there whenever we needed a shoulder to cry on, a friend to talk to, an safe place to vent, etc. We have AMAZING families!
We also shared about the support system we have in place with our church: our couples small group, the infertility group that I co-lead, multiple Pastors who are praying and believing with us, etc. It doesn't get much better than that!!

3. His third question, he said, "This last one isn't really a question. I just want the two of you to go home, talk about this process, and make sure that you are on the same page. After praying together about this, ask yourselves if moving forward is something that you feel called to do and if you are both ready for it. We will be contacting you in 72 hours to check in on you.

And that was pretty much it. We went back to regular conversation after that for a little while and then shook hands and went our separate ways.

I felt really good about the whole interview. There wasn't anything that I wish I would have said differently, however, there were a couple times I had to squeeze Craig's leg under the table...you all know what I mean!! LOL All in all...it was great, and I'm looking forward to see what's in store for us.

THE WAIT POEM

 After our failed IVF, Craig and I wanted to have something in our house that would symbolized our journey through infertility, and more specifically, the loss of our embryo's. When I saw this picture, I immediately fell in love. It is now framed and hanging in our living room. When we first hung it up...it brought tears to my eyes!

Wait
by Russell Kelfer 

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried;
Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate . . .
And the Master so gently said, "Wait." 

"Wait? you say wait?" my indignant reply.
"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your Word. 

"My future and all to which I relate
Hangs in the balance, and you tell me to wait?
I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign,
Or even a 'no' to which I can resign. 

"You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe,
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
And Lord I've been asking, and this is my cry:
I'm weary of asking! I need a reply." 

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate,
As my Master replied again, "Wait."
So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,
And grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting for what?" 

He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine . . .
and He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.

"I could give all you seek and pleased you would be.
You'd have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me.
You'd not know the depth of my love for each saint.
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint.

"You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair;
You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there.
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me
When darkness and silence are all you can see.

"You'd never experience the fullness of love
When the peace of My spirit descends like a dove.
You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,
But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.

"The glow of my comfort late into the night,
The faith that I give when you walk without sight.
The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask
From an infinite God who makes what you have last.

"You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that My grace is sufficient for thee.
Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,
But, oh, the loss, if you missed what I'm doing in you.

"So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see
That the greatest of gifts is to truly know me.
And though oft My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still . . . Wait."

Adoption Update

Well...we finally received an email from the agency that we chose to work with. They let us know that they have fully processed our application and that they are ready to move forward with the next step...the prescreening interview. I was really surprised to get this email because Craig has yet to find time to get his fingerprints done for our background check...though, I'm sure that the agency understands that that can be a lengthy ordeal.

The scheduling of the interview was a little difficult, but the agency was able to be extremely accommodating and they allowed us to schedule a weekend interview with them. However, they were not able to schedule a Pastor to meet on the weekend, so we will have to find a Pastor at our own church to perform that part of the interview for them...PERFECT.

I am so excited to be able to move forward to the next step of this process!!! Our interview is scheduled for September 10th. Keep us in your prayers. 

Step 1...CHECK!!!

The application is officially in the mail and it will arrive tomorrow!!! Step two...we wait for a phone call from the agency to set up an interview.

I Was So Close!!!

Arrggghhhh!!!!!! I had the paperwork ALL TOGETHER!! I finally finished the one dreaded piece of paperwork from the adoption application. I made copies of our driver's licenses. I copied our tax returns and W-2's. I picked up a family photo from Walgreens, and printed two huge credit reports (one for each of us)...I wrapped it all together and I was SO SO excited to send it off in the mail today...and then I found out that the post office closes three hours AFTER their Monday through Friday hours!!! DANG YOU USPS!!!

Adoption Class

Well, this weekend Craig and I attended the intro class with the agency that we have chosen to work with. The meeting wasn't what I expected at all...and that's a good thing. I was fully expecting to be given scary statistics in hopes of weeding those couples out who were on the fence with adoption. Instead, our presenter provided very encouraging data AS WELL as his own personal experience of going through the adoption process with the agency itself.

At the end of class, if we wanted to move forward with the adoption process, we were told to highlight our name on the sign-in sheet and they would email us our application. To my surprise, Craig went ahead and highlighted our name. Why was I surprised?? Because Craig is a processor. He needs time...time to think about what he just heard, time to talk about his thoughts/ideas with me, time to just let it all sink in. So...yes, I was surprised when he went ahead and highlighted our name...without even giving me a wink or a nod. That was super encouraging to me...just to know that I'm not dragging him through the process kicking and screaming.

After the meeting, Craig and I had some time to talk. Our feelings were not what I imagined them to be. I was expecting to be overwhelmed with joy about moving forward...but instead, I found myself moving forward in obedience. Now, hear me out...because there are a TON of dimensions to my emotions after this meeting. My first overwhelming feeling came in the middle of the class...and I was overwhelmed with passion for the agency's mission. I found myself thinking of how I could be a part of their ministry. Whether through adopting, volunteering, teaming up with my church...I was just searching for a way that I could be a partner with them. As for the adoption process itself...it's a lot to take in. All of these thoughts started running through my mind: How old is our child going to be? What will they have seen and been a part of? What will they be bringing to our home? How will this affect Emily? Can this hurt Emily in any way, shape, or form? It is all just a lot to think about and take into consideration. It's not just Craig and Heather anymore...we have to think about Emily and make sure that she is protected physically and mentally through this. BUT...it just helps to talk about these things out loud, because as Craig and I were sharing our thoughts/worries with each other...I felt led to say, "You know, it's not as though this is a random process. Whatever child is placed in our home...God already knows. God already has that child chosen for us and that child needs us." Craig and I both felt a sense of peace with that being said. It's so true...we have nothing to worry about at all. This entire process is a God thing, and I am encouraged and honored to be a part of God's plan. James 1:27

James 1:27 ~ Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

I was recently emailing a friend, who told me how excited she was about us attending the adoption class and how she couldn't wait to hear about it. I remember replying to her email saying that I was excited too...but still a bit frustrated with God...thinking that my battle of infertility was over once we had Emily, and how upsetting it is to continue to struggle with it. I thought that I had paid my dues...I had a strong testimony, I was sharing with others, encouraging others...why do I have to keep struggling with infertility. BUT, as I was replying to my friend, literally as I was typing...it dawned on me...this could, maybe...just possibly, be God placing his hand on the direction that He needs Craig and I to move in. Maybe, just maybe, there is a child out there that needs Craig and I...that God has chosen to become a part of our family...and if I were to get pregnant as easily as I would have like to have gotten pregnant...it would just continue to postpone that calling in our lives. I don't know...I may never know, BUT I do know that I want to be obedient to God. I know for a fact that Craig and I have a calling in this direction, and I am honored to continue to be used by God.

To Blog OR Not To Blog...That Is The Question

I have been going back and forth on whether or not to post this...and I have finally come to conclusion of WHY NOT??? The whole reason that I wanted to start blogging was so that I could share my life with others going through the same thing that I am...so that I might bring a little encouragement or so that others would know that they are not alone.

So, here's the thing...Craig and I are going to be attending our first adoption class this weekend.

There...I said it...it's out there for the world to see *deep breaths*. I'll tell you, the only reason that I am so hesitant in sharing is because I fear that history will repeat itself. After going through all that we did in getting Emily...I just don't know that I'm ready for everyones questions, comments, and advice on the subject. I had NO IDEA that trying to get pregnant was going to be such a difficult and long road. If I would have known, then I wouldn't have announced it on the roof tops that we were simply trying to have a baby from the get-go. Lesson learned...the hard way. 

Regardless...one of the MANY difficult things about infertility was the feeling that no one understood...no one knew what I was going through...and since nobody really talks about it, that "alone" feeling was the worst. I felt like there was no one to talk to, REALLY talk to, who could relate and encourage me throughout the process. Yes, I had a few SPECIAL people in my life who I could still open up to...but it was still a sort of one-way street. They were all SUPER good listeners and even encouragers...but no one could really relate and let me know that what I was feeling was normal and OK.

---

So...that is why I'm going for it. I have no idea what the future holds for me regarding adoption, but I do know this...that through our 4 years of trying to conceive, God had opened a place in both Craig and I's heart for adoption.
Recently, I came across this incredibly interesting quote from a blog: The Lighted Path For Woman. Here is what stood out to me:

If only THREE 3% of the world's Christians adopted ONE child ALL adoptable orphans would have a permanent safe home and a forever family.

This blows my mind...and no, I'm not saying you have to be a Christian to adopt, this is just an amazing statistic that is bringing up conversation in the "Wright" household. "Things that make you go HMMMM!!!"
    So, there you have it...more to come this weekend.

One of Many "Talks"

Since my sort-of "break down"...Craig and I agreed to come up with a day and time where we could sit down and discuss our "options". I know most of my "break down" is due to some heightened emotions, but I still think that it also brought to light some concerns/issues that were being ignored or suppressed.
Once we were able to find some time, it was interesting what came up. Right away, Craig brought up adoption and how he was ready to get the process started. On a side note: A couple of weeks prior to this Craig was on a business trip to Virginia. During his time there, he met with his boss for his review. She shared with him about their adoption process and how they have a close relationship with the birth-mother and how wonderful the entire experience was/is. It really impressed Craig.

Me, on the other hand, came to the conversation with the desire to go back to the fertility clinic. I feel a little torn with this desire. I feel like...after all I have been through...it almost feels like I am not "trusting" that I will get the same miracle again!! That is my fear in sharing this with others around me. What are they going to say? Are they going to tell me to "relax" again? Are they going to tell me to just give it more time? But then...why do I care what they have to say? In these situations anyone can say, "I don't care what they think", but it so matters. It matters because I, unfortunately, put weight on what others say and think. I ponder it...and I let it get to me. So...back to "the conversation".

In wanting to go back to the clinic...what I mean is that I want to try out the new clinic that moved into town: Seattle Reproductive Clinic. I looked into them before, but I didn't want to have to travel to Seattle for each and every procedure...so they were eliminated. Well, now they have a satellite office in Tacoma now. I told Craig that I was just interested in having a consultation meeting with a doctor to see what they thought of our past procedures and diagnoses. I absolutely DO NOT want to have major procedures done, but I am curious about whether or not the doctor would recommend any pill/hormones that could balance me out in hopes of allowing my body to do what it needs to do for a pregnancy.

So, at the end of our conversation, the verdict is as follows:
We will continue to try on our own for three more months. During that time, we will meet and have a consultation with Seattle Reproductive Medicine (SRM) just to see what they recommend. After three months, Craig and I will regroup and figure out what's next.

Deja Vu

Alright, so it seems as though I have fallen off of the face of the earth. I apologize for dropping the blog thing. A lot has been going on recently that has created a renewed desire to get back to my blog writing. So, what do I write about? I originally started this blog because I had struggled with infertility for four years, went through all sorts of infertility treatments (IUI through IVF)...all of which failed. I began this blog as my husband and I took a new direction as we "waited for our family to grow". As we looked into the adoption process...what do you know...I became pregnant.

Now, our baby girl, Emily Jolene, has just turned one year old. No...this is not going to be another blog about an average family...I am going to continue the original theme of this blog...WAITING FOR OUR FAMILY TO GROW.

Hubby and I would love to have more than one baby!!! I have heard so many times that people who have struggled with infertility and eventually became pregnant, that their bodies finally know what to do and they don't struggle in trying to pregnant in the future. Hmm...how true is that? Since it took us four years to get Emily, we both agreed that there would be no reason to use birth control because we had no idea how long it would take to get pregnant again. On top of that...WE WANT MORE!!!! So, needless to say, we are doing what we can :)

Well, the other week, we had a baby dedication at our church. The baby being dedicated was a foster child that the family was able to adopt. As the family shared their story, my eyes began to water...my heart had just reopened to the idea of "foster to adopt". I remember Craig and I talking, at the beginning of my pregnancy, about how our venture into the adoption process will always hold a place in our hearts and how we would stay open to that direction in the future. Well...HELLO FUTURE!! As of now, we have been "trying" for about the last six+ months. Since the recent baby dedication, Craig and I (Well, more me bringing the conversation up to Craig) have been talking about the "foster to adopt" process.

I love the "foster to adopt" route for a number of reasons. First, my mom was rescued by an amazing foster family...and I am always grateful for what that family has done for her. Second, as a teacher, my heart continually breaks each year as I hear about some of my student's home lives. Sometimes I just want to take these kids home and give them a life that they need and deserve. I would just love to be able to provide a new life, a home, and tons of love for a child that wouldn't otherwise get it.
So...this is where my blog comes into play. Join me on this journey as we continue to "wait for our family to grow".

Another Informative Meeting

Craig and I just got back from meeting with a couple who have gone through the process of "foster to adopt". Even though we are pretty determined to do birth-mother adoption, we thought it would be a good idea to learn about all of our options. This couple was absolutely AMAZING!!! They have three boys of their own, and always knew that they would adopt someday...and someday came not so long ago. They chose to do foster-to-adopt because they had a few friends who have gone through it. With that said, they did know exactly what they wanted and they made their requests known to the state. I just loved their story, it was one that gives hope and encouragement.

They received a few calls from the state in hopes of placement, but after asking their list of questions, they had to turn down a few of the kids because the match would not have been a good one for their home. When they got the call for their, now, child...it was perfect. The child was only three weeks old at the time.

They shared how there is no difference in love for their "biological" children as there is for their "foster" child. They are amazed at how much their foster baby is a part of them, showing attributes that each of their family members have...the whole nurture versus nature debate. They confirmed for us how it doesn't matter whether your child is biological or adopted...they were chosen specifically for you.

They did say that if they didn't have three boys already, that going the "foster" route would not have been something they would have wanted to do, rather they would have worked with an agency. She talked about the potential of the child being taken away and placed back with the birth family. They were aware of that going into fostering, but already having three children made that situation more bearable.

All in all, Craig and I were extremely blessed to have met with them. As we left the Starbucks, she came over to Craig and I and gave us the biggest hug EVER!!! She was teary eyed and so excited for our journey. She made us promise to invite them to our adoption party. Craig and I didn't know that you give "adoption" parties...but hey, you can't say no to another party!! YEAH!!

PRIDE Training...AKA: BORING!!!

Yesterday the hubby and I started our PRIDE training. It is a required class in Washington for anyone who is considering adoption, or fostering. It is a total of about 30 hours, so basically all of my evenings are booked for the next week and a half. I feel like I am rushing home after work to eat a quick dinner and then head off to class. It begins at 5:30 and ends at 9:30...can anyone say "WAY TOO LATE", for a school night that is.

I was way too anxious as we were heading out to class the first night. I knew that I was being anxious for no reason, but still...it was the first "actual" step towards our adoption journey. Well, I think it goes without saying that the classes are BORING...BORING I TELL YOU!!! I think it is most frustrating because I can already tell that the majority of the classes are geared towards fostering rather than adoption. It would be great if there were two different forms of classes.

Well, it is what it is...unfortunately. I laugh because I had a ticker going for this class, and now I want to create a ticker to count down the days until this is over!!

Two classes down, five more to go!!

Informative Meeting

Today, we were able to meet with a couple who has gone through the entire adoption process with the very agency that we have chosen...they were actually the couple that turned us towards this agency's direction.

The meeting went very well. They shared their own ups and downs of the process, what the birth mother was like and the agreements that they made in regards to the openness of the adoption. They shared with us what the home study was like in addition to a general time line for everything.

They were so nice and completely transparent with us, not glossing over the struggles that they encountered. It was nice to be able to actually talk to someone who has gone through this.

Monday...is the big day. We begin our "PRIDE" training!!! I can't wait...I'm sure that I am excited about nothing, but it just feels good to be able and finally DO something...work towards meeting our adoption requirements. I'll keep you posted.

I'm Thankful

It was about two years ago when I began meeting with our previous Pastor's wife for counsel. One of the things that she wanted me to do was read a Psalm each day and then...in a sense, write my own Psalm that paralleled the one that I had just read. Today, I remember a Psalm that really stuck out to me. It was Psalm 42.

As the deer pants for streams of water,
so my soul pants for you, my God.
My soul thirts for God, for the living God.
When can I go and meet with God?
My tears have been my food day and night,
while people say to me all day long,
"Where is your God?"
These things I remember
as I pour out my soul:

The Psalm continues as David lists out what he is thankful for. I realized that I have A LOT to be thankful for and that it is all easily forgotten when I place all of my focus, all of my heart, on the one thing that I can't have. It was then that I decided to list out what I was thankful to God for. Here is what I listed:

1. My wonderful, supportive, and loving Parents
2. Meeting and falling in love with the man of my dreams
3. A God who loves me and has a GRAND plan for my life
4. Going back to school and receiving a degree within my calling
5. My brother who would do just about anything for me
6. My beautiful dream house in the middle of my dream neighborhood
7. Two nice and dependable cars
8. My dream job and wonderful coworkers
9. A talented husband of many trades
10. Friends who deeply care about me
11. FInances that have always just "somehow" been enough
12. A support system through Maria and Joel

I know that I could continue my list to no end, but these are the things in my life that really stick out, that have made my journey a little bit more bearable...especially when you are surrounded with friends and family who won't let you give up. Who won't let you lose yourself in a struggle. Who won't let you be alone for too long. I don't know where I would be without everyone in my life, without their prayers. THANK YOU TO EACH ONE OF YOU!!!

At the end of Psalm 42, David says this in verse 11:

Why, my soul, are you downcast?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God.

I love the...."I will YET praise him". I know that God has a plan for my life. He knows the desires of my heart. One thing that has kept me going...is knowing that very thing. Jeremiah 29:4, "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." I know there is something better than this out there, and I don't want to set up camp in the "crappy" part of my life. In order to find out what God has in store for me, I have no choice but to keep on moving forward. OH...there have been MANY days, where I have "set up camp" because it was comfortable and easy. Some days, it was nice to sit down and have a pity party for awhile. Thank God for giving me the courage and the strength to get up and out of those traps.

I Would Die For That